


After the fall we rise up

by Icie



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Emotional masturbation and self pity, Fantasy of older character, M/M, Masturbation, Under aged character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 10:35:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8398237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icie/pseuds/Icie
Summary: A loss is a hard thing to face, so Yuri distracts himself with some self love.
His chosen method lets his mind wander over the other Yuri to linger on Victor, but he's trying to distract himself from that as well.
(Set post episode 3, Yuri masturbates while fantasising about Victor and being Jealous of Yuuri.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the lovely [kidscrappy](archiveofourown.org/users/kidscrappy/works) for beta-ing this.

Yuri knows that he is not the best. But he's been sure for a long time that he will be soon. He'd done this the night after he won Junior Grand Prix Final, and it had felt good then. He wishes it felt that good now.

He slicked himself up while he was still soft with a lotion that smells just the faintest bit like Victor's shampoo, and now the scent of it drifts up to fill his nose as he moves his hand over himself. He thinks of Victor's neck, his smile, and the way his eyes turn soft when he sees something beautiful. Yuri groans in frustration. 

The reality where he lost to the Japanese brat sits, heavy, in his gut, and only rises to the surface as he tries to distract himself. He increases the speed with which he moves his hand over his dick. It grows harder under his attention, but his wrist complains from the motion by the time it's fully erect. He pushes past the feeling.

He drops his head back against his pillow, legs spread so that his knees nearly rest, bent, against his bed. It must look like he's doing a strange exercise with his dick curved upwards but the rest of his body almost flat. 

He slings his free arm across his eyes, blocking out thoughts of Victor smiling at the wrong Yuri. Blocking out thoughts of the way Victor will touch _that_ Yuri gently, fondly, like he wants him to grow into the touch. Yuri shudders, his thumb pressing against his slit and encountering a trace of pre-come which mingles with the remains of the lotion that hasn't been absorbed into his skin already.

His hips jerk into his hand and a soft sound escapes his mouth. He should have more control than this. Everyone treats him like a child all the time, someone to indulge, someone who doesn't know what he wants.

"Coach me," he mumbles, his lips barely moving.

He imagines Victor laughing in that way of his which reaches his eyes but doesn't light them up. He imagines pressing himself up into the lines of Victor's body, pulling his head down with fingers laced through his hair and covering that smile with his own lips, which he knows are too harsh and too rude to ever tempt someone like Victor, but in his imagination Victor breathes in sharply so that Yuri can feel it against his own chest and relinquishes himself to taking Yuri's touches. And lets him go further, undressing him, his fingers moving with certainty, like he does when he skates, accepting each and every one of his kisses, and then, when Yuri runs out of breath, surprising him with more, making Yuri feel like he's going to suffocate but not giving a single fuck.

Yuri lets his dick go, it's hard and straining for attention he refuses to give it. He doesn't want to come yet. He fumbles for his lotion, popping the cap off and slicking it over his fingers, hesitating before adding more. He adjusts himself, tilting his hips up so he can slip his fingers behind his balls and against his skin and into himself. He doesn't finger himself like this often. It feels too intimate and like too much of an indulgence.

He curses, shoves his fingers in further, and curses again. His position is all wrong but he refuses to move so he can press his fingers inside himself more easily, only returning his other hand to pumping on his slicked up dick.

Victor would laugh, seeing him like this. He'd call him some ridiculous name, or perhaps just "Yurio" and dip down to kiss inside his thighs, then take Yuri's fingers and draw them out of him, tutting, because this isn't how a star fucks himself.

Victor would lick away the smeared path of lotion, talk about how Yuri's skin is so smooth, probably how his dick is so cute, and wrap his long, impossibly graceful fingers over it, contemplating how it looks like it's a puzzle, before slipping it into his mouth, licking with his tongue flat along the underside.

Yuri moves his fingers. He crooks them to better stimulate the nerves just inside himself, wishing he could make himself move so he can _really_ reach inside, to hit that spot that he knows Victor's long, long fingers would be able to hit with no effort at all. 

But then, Victor wouldn't do this to him.

Yuri pants, and huffs and forces his fantasy to return. He pictures Victor leaning over him, pushing Yuri's hair away from his face. Then his eyes dancing as he rolls a condom onto himself, knowing that Yuri would give him anything if Victor will take it. 

He remembers that he lost.

He squeezes his eyes shut tighter. It doesn't matter. 

The other Yuri didn't even realise that he wanted Victor, just as much as he does. Yuri snorts through his teeth. _Eros_. The love that wasn't supposed to suit that Yuri. The love that should have been his, stolen and transformed.

Yuri remembers Victor touching the other Yuri's lip. He relaxes, pressing his thumb to his own lip, tasting a hint of the lotion but believing that it's Victor touching him anyway. 

The other Yuri's performance was better. He hadn't bothered to look at Victor watching the performance. He'd known what he would have seen: a thrill in Victor's eyes. Nothing like that was present when Yuri had performed. His heart was wrong for Victor, and that was the best he has ever been.

Yuri comes in a mess, with a sound as inelegant as he is.

He sighs, releasing a breath of air in a huff that changes nothing. Victor doesn't want any part of him.

He lets himself lie, until his own come begins to cool his skin and he relents to sitting up and making his way to the bathroom. 

All the items sitting around the basin are familiar, the same brands that he's grown up with. He uses the spare handwash he keeps in the cupboard under the basin, rather than the regular soap. He doesn't think about why.

Sleep that night comes to thoughts of Eros and Agape and Victor's smile. And he sleeps well.


End file.
